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Miracles (the beginnings of a novel)

Miracles
                  Life
is never really what you expect it to be. 
All the pain and regret one faces. 
Is it really worth it?  Is there
really a heaven or hell?  The answer…I
really don’t know, but I think that death is the end.  When one’s dead not a sound or breath could
be heard again, their soul is away, their being is gone.  Their thoughts and attitude are now only part
of the wind.  Silence is all that could
be heard.
                  Many
may say they went to a better place, but is that really true?  Do they really truly believe that?  I think not. 
I think that it is just a coping mechanism people use so that they can
move on.  People can move, change, and
live.  Memories fade with time, but the
scars and pains that have hurt and throbbed and torn you apart will forever be
a part of who you are.  And I believe
that those scars are what makes a person who they are.
                  Heart is beating fast, breaking tempo with
each step.  Each beat is a weight slowly
weighing down on me.  I feel my heart in
my ears.  Blood is blocking all sound, my
mouth is dry, my voice is silent.  I am
numb as realization is slowly taking force and gathering strength.  My daughter, “Melanie, no don’t look,” I
mouthed silently.  “Daddy she said,
Daddy, Daddy,” she screamed completely clueless.  “Daddy wake up…Mommy why isn’t daddy waking
up?”  I couldn’t answer her.  I looked down at the body.  The body of the man I lost my virginity to, the
man that I loved and married at eighteen despite my parent’s objections, the
same man I shared my first…our first apartment with.  The same man I spent hours every day
memorizing his face.  The same face I saw
in my daughter.  The same face I saw just
this morning drinking coffee on the kitchen counter.  The same man who kissed me on the cheek and
said he’ll be back in a few.  His body
not mangled but his eyes lost in time. 
His chest still, only a limp body was left.  I was lost; I couldn’t think straight, I was
so far gone.  Time seemed to ripple and
past me by without me noticing.  I
remember trying to put my arm around Melanie but I couldn’t.  She was so close but she seemed so far
away.  I hear her screaming for me,
shaking me her small hand trying to grasp me. 
Then suddenly everything just went black.
1988
                  Graduation
is near.  Everybody can feel it.  It’s in the air.  Seniors are counting down the days, and
underclassmen are stressing over finals. 
Life is good.  We had graduation
rehearsal today.  And Mrs. Calibri was
trying to line us up by alphabetical order. 
This was our third practice, but do we really need this many practices
to just stand up, sit, and walk then repeat?  No, but high schoolers were no better than a kindergartener’s class because the definition of “get in to a line” was incomprehensible.  

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